Relatiobook

I have discussed this with two others and I know I'm not alone, so allow me to rant. On Facebook , I've been annoyed fairly recently by lovey-dovey status updates or posts on each other's wall between people who are married or live together.

Okay, here's the thing. You live together. You sleep in the same bed every single night. If you really feel that way, how about walking away from the computer for a moment and saying that to them in person? Does your mate only accept your display of affection if it's on a website? Because clearly, if that message was meant for them and only them, you would tell them in person or write it down in a card. But it's not. It's on public display for me to read and barf at.

Don't get me wrong - I'm glad you two love each other! God knows we need more couples staying together instead of divorcing these days. I just guarantee you anyone can say "I love you, my dear wife. Thanks for taking me out to dinner tonight" way f'ing faster than they can type and publish it on Facebook.

Thank you.

The Expendables

I was reading about Bruce Willis the other day, who just might be my favorite actor ever (but that's neither here nor there). It says an upcoming project of his is called The Expendables which (sit down for this!) is written by Sylvester Stallone, and stars Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Mickey Rourke.

Here's a rough outline of the plot: The U.S. along with other Nations secretly put together a squad of its highest trained military personnel to finally overthrow the dictator who has caused devastation in South America for over 20 years. The team sets out on its mission to complete the assassination, but with little help from the nations as they try to keep the mission secret.

Holy crap, this might as well be called Testosterone Movie. I swear if I ever get to the point where I need Viagra in my life, I'm pretty sure watching this movie would be an acceptable substitute.

Karate Kid

Saw a trailer for the remake of The Karate Kid. WOW does this look like a steaming pile of shit.

Cruises

While we were on our honeymoon cruise, I was thinking about The Rock Boat and other similarly-themed music cruises. I think they would be fun, though I've never been on one of those before. It got me thinking about other cruises with a theme they could try out, so the two ideas I came up with --

The Broadway Boat. Bring in a bunch of live stage performances as the nightly entertainment, not necessarily Broadway plays but at least that caliber. The only drawback is there is very little stage room on a cruise ship and the casts and crews would have to occupy at least 30% of the cabins.

Wrestling. The WWF actually did this a few years ago under the name of the Wrestlevessel, but I think it needs to be brought back. From what I remember / was able to find out, there weren't any actual wrestling matches on the cruise ship. It was more like a vacation with wrestlers. My idea would have a ring set up on the lido deck and feature nightly matches. They could even incorporate the entire cruise ship into the matches and have a Falls County Anywhere Galley Match or a Loser Gets Tossed Off the Side of the Boat Match.

Braids in Mexico

For whatever reason, one of the touristy things to do in Mexico is get your hair braided. We sat down at lunch one time and there was a family with 4 girls, all with their hair braided. The only thing is...



...this does not look good.

On anyone.

Ever.

Home Buying Reality Shows

As mentioned previously, The Wife and I have been watching some of the shows on HGTV about buying a home. I've come to realize the majority of these shows follow the same clichés, so I present to you a guide on How to Script Make a Reality TV Show About Buying a Home. Your television show should include ALL of the following:

- Photogenic opposite sex couple

- When walking into a 3rd bedroom or large den area, the male must say, "We could use this space for the man cave!" and/or "We could put the big screen up and watch the game in here!"

- Shots of the guy talking about how much he loves the backsplash in the kitchen, even though he really doesn't give a shit. It also helps if the guy points out details like the tile on the bathroom floor even though, again, he really doesn't give a shit.

- When walking into the master bedroom and seeing a large closet space, the female must turn to the male and say: "Wow, this closet is great! Where are you going to put all of your stuff?" An acceptable variation of this phrase is "So this closet will hold all of my shoes - where do we put his things?" followed by quaint laughter.

Cut. Print. It's a wrap!

'90s Memories - Dog's Eye View

Many years ago, I saw Peter Stuart (singer for Dog's Eye View) speak at one of Greg Behrendt's "Bring the Rock" shows in Hollywood. He told us a story that he was basically just a singer/songwriter and then he got a record deal. The record label told him no one was interested in solo musicians, so they insisted he come up with a "band name." He recorded the album with musicians but Dog's Eye View was never really a band. I believe he also said the back cover for his debut album (which I can't find an image of) featured two people with their back turned because they weren't really in the faux band, but they wanted to give the impression of it being a standard 4-piece alternative band.

These were the days well before the John Mayers, the David Grays and the Jason Mrazs of the world. At any rate, please enjoy the hit single from Dog's Eye View Peter Stuart - "Everything Falls Apart" --