Monday, July 18, 2011

Awkward Partygoer

Something's been happening over the past year or so that I don't really like - I've become somewhat of an awkward partygoer.  I don't know when or how this happened but I'll show up to a friend get together and end up being anti-social.  It's weird usually I am the one excited to go to the party...but then I show up and don't enjoy myself as much as I should.  I think part of me feels like I have nothing super interesting to talk about so I'm just awkward and not really outgoing and chatty.  And then perhaps I cling to The Wife a little bit too much (my observation, not hers).

Anyway, I'm just thinking/typing out loud here.  I know this is happening but I don't like it.  I was at a friend get together over the weekend and kinda didn't feel like chatting with anyone.  I was even amused by the friend who was looking at his watch and his girlfriend who said to him, "No looking at your watch! We're staying for a while!" (or something to that effect).

I wonder if part of it is just falling out of touch with certain friends...like the friend that once asked how much I made (when I was proud that I was actually doing well) so I told him and then he told me how much he made and his salary put mine to shame so I've felt awkward around him ever since; or the friend that tells me her son doesn't like carrots but loves broccoli as if that's something I want to hear about.

Part of me wonders if it's also an abundance of social media -- i.e., I already saw the photos/status updates from your weekend getaway and you already know that xyz happened in my life, so what else is new?

But please, all four friends of mine that read this, keep inviting me to your shindigs.  This awkward phase will pass and I genuinely do value our friendships and our time spent together.  Like I said, I'm thinking/typing out loud here so this post may very well get taken down in a day or two anyway.

2 comments:

kristen said...

i've become very much the same way - and i hate it too!

Jenny said...

I can understand, definitely. I especially feel this way at larger gatherings (larger meaning anything more than 8 people or so). I just never know what to talk about and then feel like I have to talk or have something to say and then I just end up in the corner, it feels like.

And the salaries thing -- I hate that. I feel very happy when I neither know how much I make, nor how much other people make. Earlier this year when Gavin told me the figure that I made in 2010, I was sad for a month because it was way less than I made in 2004 when I was younger and had less experience. So sad. Until I realized that life is OK and enjoyable, much more now than it was then, and that I am in no way in danger of going poor.