Wedding Quilt

Recently, while I was at a wedding, some girls were talking about wedding dresses. One of them said now that she and her 3 sisters are married, one of them suggested cutting up their wedding dresses and making a quilt for each using material from all three dresses. I thought this sounded like a brilliant idea but the girl relating the story could not have been more horrified at the thought of cutting up her dress.

Look. Okay, I know what you're gonna say, but -

Look.

LOOK.

It's a dress you wear once, then it sits in a closet. Any girl that thinks their daughter will wear her wedding dress is delusional so you might as well do something with it. There are reports that the brides amongst our group of friends are planning some kind of bride tea party so they have an excuse to wear their wedding dress again. You need to set aside a date and a time with friends to wear an article of clothing for only the second time?! Ludacris!!

I'm ecstatic to report my future bride spent less than $100 on her dress - it looks fabulous and she can wear it again for a variety of occasions. If you spend $5,000 on a dress, you might as well flush $5,000 down the toliet because that's exactly what you're doing. Weddings are insane.

Pancake Palace

The idea of running a restaurant when I retire from Corporate America sounds like a good idea. My fiancee and I talk about this sometimes when we watch Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Sometimes the diners are run by an older married couple and they look like they are having a lot of fun.

I've been stuck on what the restaurant concept would be. The obvious choice would be Filipino food, but as far as I know, my fiancee doesn't have a stash of old family recipes. Personally, I love to experiment with pancakes so I'm pleased to announce the opening of Chris' Pancake Palace in 2035. Because pancakes are awesome and you can add anything to the batter to make them more delicious. Case in point - I crumbled up Oreos (sugar free), added them to the batter and they were awesome with awesome sauce on top. I've added banana slices and walnuts into the mix and those were awesome. We already know berries are good, and I'm trying to work on some way to get peanut butter in there.

My idea is that Chris' Pancake Palace will only be open for breakfast / lunch and serve up 70 varieties of pancakes. Either there will be a "mix in" board where you order up whatever you want added, or I will come up with the combos and give them clever names like "#12", "The Bill Paxton" and "Japancakes."

He Shoots, He Scores!

Considering how much the Kings suck, I wouldn't mind moving to Florida and becoming a Panthers fan if I get to hear this guy call games:

Doctor, Doctor

I finally got to use my new health insurance last week - yippee! This doctor seems like less of a douchebag than all of my previous doctors, which is good. The overall medical group, though...I'm not so sure. I had to go back to have blood drawn so I went in at 7:45. They open at 8, and it has to be a fasting sample. There's one lady in line in front of me and she is also there to have blood drawn. I sign in and wait. And wait and wait.

Some other woman started complaining and the nurses said, "The lab technician gets here at 8, then he has to set up all of his equipment, which takes a while." Um, hell no! If a restaurant says they open at 8 am for breakfast, that means they're there at 6:30 to set up the f'ing tables and get the food ready. No one opens a business at 8 and then uses the next 20 minutes to actually get ready to open. I was so pissed! They finally took me in at 8:27 am. Grrrrrrr.

Luckily, I had a little bit of revenge because I had to give a urine sample. And I ate asparagus last night. Enjoy that, you stupid lab tech!!!! :)

'90s Memories - Elastica

Elastica had a few songs on the radio in the '90s, but for my money, "Stutter" is the best one. You may also remember them for "Connection" and "Line Up." I don't know whatever happened to them but this song raaaaaaawks.

Rock Superstar

I was listening to the song "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill the other day. It's one of only two songs of theirs I actually enjoy. The song's lyrics talk about being a superstar in the music scene. They rag on music artists who change up their style and sound in order to fit in and sell more records. And ironically, Cypress Hill released 2 versions of this song - "Rap Superstar" for rap stations and "Rock Superstar" for rock stations.

I think rappers have to have some the most unintentionally ironic lyrics across the board. As comedian Daniel Tosh once said, we have rappers who used to be thugs and criminals telling us not to illegally download their music because stealing is wrong.

'90s Memories - Afghan Whigs

People Who Type Entire Emails into the Subject Line

Once in a while, I get forwarded e-mails from someone in my company. It makes me snicker because they are brief e-mails but the entire body is in the subject line. So it'll look like this:

Fw: to Chris
Subj: Switch out SKU #'s 1111 and 222 in all forthcoming magazine ads from July forward - have Rebecca doublecheck the barcodes
Body:

Nothing in the body of the e-mail. Everything's in the subject. I just don't know how to respond to that and luckily I never have to.